Wednesday, June 17, 2009

More Writings

POEMS

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His smile
Is the sunshine that gives light and warmth

His Frown
The clouds to obscure the sun

His Tears
The rain to wash away the sins

His Eyes
the windows to the world of love


The Anticipated Romance

Like the false dawn before the light breaks upon the ridge of the sky. It starts with a flutter in the center of your being. That sense where all the possibilities in the world start anew. The blood in your veins begins to quicken. The mind is awash with the will he... could he... please be. My remembered lost loves each of them with their own querulous beginnings. There it is again... that skipping heart. Waiting for the release of those certain chemicals that tell my heart it's time to race and soar. There is that sense of having started but wanting more. So come to me my darling young man. Whisper in my ear while I hold you tight. That this is where we shall take flight. So lift us up my darling and aim us true towards tomorrow.


The Faraway Heart


His heart is not by my side
My faraway heart

His love he says assured
My faraway heart

My love for him undoubted
My faraway heart

Dreams of being together
My faraway heart

Then two hearts together
No longer my far away heart


OTHER WRITINGS

A Life Story

He is a slightly grizzled middle aged man. Happiness
had come and gone over the years. Like the rolling of
the tides washing in the oceans treasures and then
lifting them back into the depths of time. Creating
depths of his own within his soul, spirit, psyche
whatever you choose to call it.

He has grown from a mistreated child who's cries of
anguish were seldom heard. Waiting for that empty well
to fill with the love of which he'd seen filled in
others.

The boy grew into a young man. He tried to live a good
life, but, he was living it alone. He was lost in the
crowd of the other young voices louder than his own.
Surrounded by the clouds of testosterone of the post
pubescent teen males. Attracting him far more than the
flowering womanhood of the females floating and
flirting through their High School romances. Another
four years of being and living on the outside of
others.

The military was not to be the life he would lead. The
expectations of others were tried and discarded.
Instead he came home to a life made of his choosing.
Time and place were his own. Decisions were made
putting the dust of past confusion and pain behind.
Instead what followed was years of dedication. A
search to make whole by filling those old, dark and
empty spaces. What he found instead was that with each
filling there were holes that drained. Never leaving
him full. Flashes of light that sometimes flickered
and died with a pop while others seemed to fade into
the recesses and causing shadows of their own.

Time began again with a new life. Left behind was a
shallow being. Instead came a realized sense of peace.
Finally life was his own. Something to be nourished,
contemplated and enjoyed. Now there was but one
remaining hurdle of life's path to overcome. A
sharing. Finding that other who will find a warm and
comforting home in his heart and soul.

The hope continues..."

...THE CONTINUATION

Like the rise of the morning star a blaze of light has entered his life. Each day is now greeted with the anticipation of feeling that new depth of feeling that can only be found with the arrival of another person sharing in his existence. Time has finally won him that which his heart has truly desired. Love.

Hope has won!

Friday, June 12, 2009

Poems

So here are some poems that I've written over the years.

SEE THE CLOWN

See the clown
See his funny little face
Against life's ups and downs
Only he can win the race

See the glow
In the child's little eyes
Could you a clown despise

So today be a clown
Give somebody a smile
Who knows
It just might last a while



ASLEEP


Laying there beside me
Asleep and at rest
He is smiling
And I wonder
Is he dreaming about me

I think of the love
That we share
The times that mean so much
And I fall asleep with a smile on my face
And dream



Alone

Alone in his tiny room the bed lies unmade
The dirty dishes piled in the sink
The lone bare bulb hangs from the ceiling above
Casting shadows along the cracks
in the four small walls
He sits in the lone chair
Watching the phone that never rings
And he wonders
Is this all


Well that's it for now... I'll be posting some more poems from the past in a little while.

Friday, June 05, 2009

OMG... it's been sooo long!

Wow... I haven't written anything in here since June of 2007. Told ya I lead a boring life. heheh Ok, so I'll bring us up to date. I had to move out of that wonderful estate. For several reasons. The main one that I use is that I had to move due to the owners selling. While completely true it's not the only reason. I had to move because the place was so totally insular. For seven long years I used that place as a haven to hide away from the world. I could live my everyday life and avoid my main problems. The depression had such an extreme hold on me that I would not leave my room for days at a time. Only venturing forth when absolutely necessary. Even then I would do what I had to do... avoid people as much as possible and return to my lair.

Then there was Jack. That wonderful creature that was so full of life and all he wanted was for someone to love him and take care of him. Now all you readers know by now that of course Jack is my beagle dog. You've seen his pictures. Now I will tell you something that I've only told a very few people. Jack saved my life. You see my depression had such a complete hold on me that I had pretty much given up on life. Yes I was suicidal. I had visions of how I would end my life. I thought of pills... I thought of walking into the lake and just keep going. I had gone as far as making plans and was so close to just finally ending it. Here's where Jack came in. I had started to think of the life that Jack had before he came to me. He had obviously had a bad life. You could tell by the way he was at first. He wasn't trusting and would avoid people. He wouldn't listen to any commands. If a voice was even raised in his presence then he would cower in fear. So when I was contemplating my death I had started to think that I should take him with me. In my sickness I didn't want him to suffer what would happen to him after I was gone. He had been rescued the day before he was scheduled to be put down and I didn't want him to go back there. This was the trigger that saved me. There was enough life left in me I guess that I realized what I was thinking and that's when I made the decision to seek help.

Wow. Here I was planning on just updating this blog and your getting a confession instead. Ahhh well they say it's good for the soul and if it helps you the reader to understand me a little better then it's all good. I'll end the maudlin portion here by saying that yes I sought help... and received it. I was diagnosed with clinical depression that apparently went undiagnosed since early childhood. I still receive treatment and am now on daily medications that help to keep the depression in check.

So back to the updating. I moved to another city to start my new life. Not too long after the move I met someone special. His name is Matt. We dated for several months and then after having discovered that, as unlikely as it may be, we loved each other. We decided to enter into a committed relationship. We have been together now for nine amazing months. If your reading this darling I love you very much.

Well that pretty much brings us up to the present. In re-arranging the furniture today I discovered some old poetry that I've written. I think in my next post I will post them on here. Be well everyone and take care. Darcy.

Friday, June 22, 2007

It's been a while......

OK..ok...so I know it's been a while since I last posted, but hey, I lead a pretty boring life. That's not to say it's an unhappy life either. I live in a mansion (even if it's a basement apartment ;o}) I have some friends with common interests, I've got my puppy Jack who thinks I'm the best daddy in the world. BTW, I took an inventory the other day. Right at this moment Jack is in possesion of:

Rawhide Chewies
Roasted Pigs Ears
Real Marrow Bones from the Butcher
Purina Bacon Flavored Beggin' Strips
Pedigree DentaBone with Beef flavored filling
A 5kg. Bucket of Milkbone Cookies

...and to top it off tonight he had medalions of beef tenderloin for dinner, there was a special at the butcher shop, the night before he had a great big pork chop, and the night before that he had BBQ Chicken. He also gets 3-1hr. long walks per day.

What can I say..he loves me..he gets spoiled.

So, back to me, ok I got that fancy roof over my head, Jack, my moped (which I love) food in my belly. When I get right down to it I already have what a lot of people don't. All that's left is the marriage and a couple of kids. Hehehehee, the drugs must be workin' huh! That's just a joke people. I guess the only real newsworthy happening right now is that I'm back to work doing the food deliverys on my moped. It's not much but between that and my disability payments I'm doing ok.

So that's it for another 6 months I guess...JUST KIDDING!... I really will try to write more often. Take care people..and for gawsh sakes love each other. Tah!

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Some more pics of my little buddy





Since this is my Blog, I'm going to vent a little here. What's up with people who let thier dogs run free in public parks? In these parts most of the parks have leash laws. There are a few licensed dog runs and one very close to where I live. To me that makes it even worse as these pets families are just being lazy for not taking them there.

Today there was a professional dog walker, one of many who use the park I go to, who had 7 dogs that are supposedly in her care. She had 5 of them off thier leashes just running around. When I complained to her she just gave me a dirty look and said I was "too controlling". The way I see it is simple.

1. She was breaking the law.
2. Not all other dogs are friendly.
3. There is a very large wooded area adjoining the park and there are other possibly diseased animals out there.
4. I witnessed one of the dogs taking a dump and because the dog was loose she did'nt see it so the mess was just left there.
5. Over the last couple of years there have been multiple reports of sick people leaving poisened bait in the parks.

So am I being too controlling or do I love my pet enough that I care about keeping him safe and healthy? Personally, I think the latter. Well that's enough ranting for today...gotta watch that blood pressure ya know! TTYL. D.